The Feeling is Mutual
by The Sky Is Endless
Summary: Kanda decides to write a letter. Allen responds and vice-versa. Chockablock full of randomness. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so I suddenly wanted to write a DGray-man fic. There's nothing wrong with that. And yes, I'm neglecting my other fics for now... ah well. They'll be completed some day.**

**And who knew that Kanda and Allen would argue about _weight_?  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGray-man**

**[Thanks for the note, Fret.]  
**

** I also fixed the layout a bit, so yeah.**

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* * *

**The Feeling is Mutual

Dear Allen,

I hated you at first sight. Why oh why did you have to come? You're a hindrance to everyone. You would know that by now. I mean, it's because of you that I'm gonna die.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

Well it's not my fault that Master found me and trained me as an exorcist. Go sulk in a corner with your soba. You might stop hallucinating about seeing lotus flowers everywhere. But, you're crazy enough.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Allen,

Training? You're the one who complained about Marshall Cross every passing day. At least I'm not the one who changed my father into a demon. And about the soba, it's nice. You should try it one day. Instead of your truckloads of meat you eat in one meal and the lotus flowers? Hey, it's better lotus flowers than seeing demons everywhere. You just go "Oh look, there's a demon. Let's go kill it." That's why people are always on the verge of dying. Get it beansprout?

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

That bastard made me pay off all his debts and made more every second of his useless life. And Mana turning into a demon meant I actually wanted him to hang around. I'm not some heartless old bastard like you are, Kanda. You must be jealous too. I can eat 'truckloads of meat' as you say and still stay thin. You eat less than me and I bet you're heavier. Also, isn't it kind of sad that your life span is determined by a flower? Pathetic really. And seeing demons is special. I'm actually forewarned and I'm actually targeted by demons. You saw that weird card thing Tyki Mikk had? Yeah, at least my name was in it.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Beansprout,

Oi, I'm only 3 years older than you. You have no right to say that I'm old. And who cares about eating so much. I get full by eating soba and I'm not fat. It's called muscle, which, obviously, you don't have. And muscle weighs more than fat so that explains why I'm most likely heavier. And no, my lifespan isn't determined by a flower. My lifespan is already determined and the flower is just following information which has already been set. You try getting a lotus in an hourglass without breaking it. Hard as hell. I do not wish to be targeted by demons because I do not want to die before I find that man.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Yu,

That's my new name now huh? And 3 years is a lot. I still say you're jealous over my eating habits and I'm still sure you're fat and not muscular. Fatso. And to get a lotus in an hourglass? All you have to do is go to an hourglass manufacturing and ask them to put a lotus in one of the hourglasses instead of sand. Easy. Hey, who is _that _man anyway? Your boyfriend? I always knew you were gay.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Allen,

Don't call me Yu. I propose a deal. You don't call me Yu, I won't call you beansprout. Alright? So, how would you know that I'm fat instead of muscular, hm? Could it be that you've been watching me for all these years? If anyone's gay, it's you. And how the hell would you be able to find a hourglass manufacturing machine? And _that _man is actually my father so I wouldn't exactly like him in that way.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

Fine. You took the fun out of that. Who the hell would want to watch you of all people? Bookman is better to watch than you. All you do is eat soba and meditate. Lavi said that he remembers passing an hourglass manufacturing factory in Germany somewhere. I'll go take a look the next time Komui wants me to go kill a demon. And gross, Kanda. You're gay with your _father_? I feel so sorry for him. And Road said that Skin Boric thought you were fat when you were fighting against him. You see, Noah's have this peculiar ability to know what other Noah's are thinking.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Allen,

You stalk Bookman now? Wow you lead a sad life. Enough of the soba cracks already it's a perfectly fine item of food to eat. I also went with Lavi to Germany. I'm sure we passed no hourglass manufacturing factories. And I told you already. I. AM. NOT. GAY. Also, since when did you keep in touch with our mortal enemies? I knew you were a bad egg from the start. And admit it. I'm sexy.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

No, no, you should know that Bookman isn't stalked. He stalks instead. Yeah, poor Lavi. And soba isn't perfectly fine. It's bland to eat every single day, breakfast lunch and dinner. I asked Lavi about the hourglass manufacturing factory and he said a Bookman's eyes never lie. About your gayness. I'm afraid you're being in denial. Touchy. Probably overly-defensive. Oh, and Road is actually nice if you get to know her. You should talk to her one day. And Kanda, stop being an arrogant bitch with a stick up your ass.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Allen,

For once, I agree with you. Bookman stalks Lavi. And who says soba is bland? It's healthy and Jeryy's food is the best. And who says that Lavi's not lying himself? I hate this way of communication. It's long and you twist whatever I say.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

I say soba is bland. That's enough. And hey, you were the one who started the letters anyway.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Allen,

Criticise soba one more time and you're gonna get it.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

Just try. Soba sucks.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Allen,

That's it. When you get this, I will hunt you down with my Mugen.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

I heard that you still haven't gotten back your Mugen. Haha.

Allen

-.-.-.-

Dear Allen,

That's it beansprout. You're dead.

Kanda

-.-.-.-

Dear Kanda,

I don't see y

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**That's it. :D**

**Pure randomness**

**Review please.**

**Sky~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, this was more successful than one of my other stories... anyway... you guys might hate me for adding another chapter to this but I felt like you had to know what came after...**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**Alrighty, enjoy.**

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**... Kanda's Moment to Shine

Dear Allen,

You haven't written in a very long time. I suppose that was because of what I did to you.

Kanda

---

Dear Allen,

It's been a few weeks. I expect a reply for my painstakingly hard work of writing so many letters.

Kanda

---

Dear Allen,

You little pig. You still haven't written. Geez, you can't blame me for everything that happened to you...

Kanda

---

Dear Allen,

Alright, I hacked you up with my Mugen and purposely hired a person to drive over you. It's hardly any pain, right?

Kanda

---

Dear Allen,

It's been three months. Write already!

Kanda

---

Dear Allen,

I still don't know why I'm still sending you letters. Especially if you're not gonna reply to them.

Kanda

---

Dear Allen,

That's it, I can't be bothered to write anymore.

**o.o.o.o.o**

In the hall of the headquaters, there was a white coffin. On top, there was a picture. It was a picture of Allen Walker. Inside was probably a chopped up Allen with tire tracks on his face. In front of the picture, there was a stack of neatly piled letters all addressed to the person who was inside the coffin, all in Kanda's handwriting. The incident happened a year ago. Only Lenalee and Lavi knew better.

They both watched as Kanda dropped a letter at the coffin every few months. Once again, only they knew better.

**o.o.o.o.o**

Dear Kanda,

I have risen from the dead and am ready to haunt you. You didn't think I'd die from a weak attack like that?

Allen

---

Dear Allen,

Holy shit. You're alive... ghost man.

Kanda

---

Dear Kanda,

That's right. I'll get you back for attempting to kill me.

Allen

---

Dear Allen,

Like you can.

Kanda

**o.o.o.o.o**

A few weeks later, on the day Allen came back (to life), there was a scream from the dining room. Lenalee had dropped her cup of red cordial over Allen's face. She was apologising over and over again. Allen stumbled over to the nearest door that wasn't locked. It oh so luckily happened to be Kanda's room.

"Oi, Kanda. You got a free bathroom?"

The look on Kanda's face was priceless. A pale white Allen (sun deficiency), white clothed, white haired and blood dripping off his face (red cordial).

No one would ever forget the scream Kanda let out.

**o.o.o.o.o**

Far far away, a mother was looking for her lost five year old daughter. She heard a very loud scream.

"Kari, was that you, dear?"

_Fin_

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**And I don't think I'll write anymore of this...**

**Oh, and if you didn't get the ending, it meant that the mother heard Kanda's scream and mistook it for her five year old daughter's, signifying that Kanda's scream was shrill and very high-pitched.**

**Alrighty.**

**Cookie to all reviewers!**

**Peace**

**Sky~  
**


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